Walls- Burdens Among US
by mishatippins
Summary: Burden- Castiel reveals a Secret he's kept since Meg's death


_Injection to the Burdens Among Us series written by Mishatippins_

_Time stands still_  
_Beauty in all she is_  
_I will be brave_  
_I will not let anything take away_  
_What's standing in front of me_  
_Every breath_  
_Every hour has come to this_

He was a wall.

Something kept him from talking to her about anything. He seemed to always wear a stony mask, something that kept Meg from being able to tell at all how he felt or what he was thinking.

It made him at times unbearable and it was getting to the point when Meg was debating on either smacking the absolute shit out of him just to get him to simply talk to her. And when he did talk to her, it only took that one word or some stupid triggering device that sent him frantically running in the opposite direction.

It made her doubt her purpose and her newest cause. Made her wonder if she could save this broken angel who'd fallen and become man. She'd gotten used to his new ways; his crippling fear of fire and tight spaces, they way he tried to keep her eyes away from the scars that now decorated his body, how he went from soothing love to strong, hot anger in mere seconds.

This wasn't the Castiel she'd watched over in that hospital. This wasn't the Castiel who protected her as well, who cleaned her wounds and who mourned her death. This creature was a broken crack of the once great Seraphim that had battled her kind for thousands of years.

So when she finally got him to talk to her, to tell her what had happened in those past years without her, she listened to the pain in his voice, the sadness and the loss, the way he seemed to forget certain parts and how he deliberately left out parts that seemed to cause him more pain than others.

"So...the scars..."

"Reminders of how I couldn't save anyone. How time and time I've been a failure. Of how much I wish that fire had killed me."

"You know can't save everyone, Castiel."

She watched him, saw his shoulder blades bunch and his fingers run through his hair. He always seemed more comfortable in the small, private room where he slept in his apartment, only just recently letting Meg sleep with him as company and even then he was still reserved about it, not letting her keep her things, what little there was, and still snapping when she ventured towards anywhere he didn't want her to go.

But on his bed he seemed content, seemed ready to talk and let her touch him. Let her even be near him.

"Funny," he muttered after a while. "I said the same thing to Dean once. I just never believed it."

"It's because you're fucking stubborn. I swear there are times when I just want to drop kick your ass and show myself out the door."

Castiel shrugged, giving her a rare half smile. "The door is unlocked."

"Like you'd be able to live without me. I know you Clarence."

"I don't think you do. A lot has changed while you were gone Meg. Especially me. I still don't know how you haven't left yet."

"were you expecting me too?"

"Everyone does in the end. It's a fact I've come to expect and accept."

"You're an idiot," Meg muttered, watching how quickly he went from soft to hard at the thought of her leaving. It amused her to the point of making her sick. "Not everyone just leaves Cas. Sometimes they just die. Sometimes they realize something's actually not so shitty and stick around."

She watched his eyes narrow for a second. "Is that what you're doing? 'Sticking around'?"

"Don't have much else to go do I?"

She watched smile again, something so rare and fragile it almost made her think that if he did it any wider he's shatter. His hands twitched and with slow movements he touched her, bringing his face close to hers before finally kissing her like he'd done all those years ago, his hand stroking her face and Meg fell into him as if she'd needed what he was giving her, peeking an eye open to see Castiel become what he once was.

_A warrior. A lover. Something she'd been missing and something she knew Castiel had hidden away with guilt and pain. He was here to love her and she was there to remind him again of what he'd forgotten so long ago._

"I love you," he whispered suddenly, breaking away to press his head against hers, hands touching her, feeling her, that odd warmth they had once shared now before them both again like rushing water.

She tried to say something but Castiel cut her off with another kiss, and she melted fully into him.

It wasn't long before she was naked on her back, hands running over the rough scars and her lips pressed softly against his.

They hadn't made love since she'd found him. Rough sex was the norm for them but the gentleness and quiet way Castiel touched her, the words he whispered in her ear and the strange, odd way he looked at her was something she hadn't seen in years.

_I love you_.

There was a rush of feeling when she felt him stroke her, felt the faint press of stubble on her neck and felt the soft stroke of his fingers on her clit, listening to the pleasured sounds she made, ignoring how she begged him to move more than an inch an hour.

Castiel ignored her, wanting to feel her completely under his easy spell. He'd learned a lot without her and hell if she didn't feel just a little bit proud of him.

There was such softness to him that Meg wasn't sure if this was the same man, the same person who freaked out over the sight of his own body but she found herself wanting this new Castiel, wanting how he felt in her arms and wanting to...

_Wanting to love him_.

"I haven't forgotten what he had," he whispered against her ear and she rolled her head back when he hit the right spot. "Though the human mind can forget, you were hardest to erase. Even after the fall, I found myself reminded of you."

"I'm real flattered Clarence," Meg huffed, trying to keep in control when Castiel pulled his hand away.

"It was a long time, before they told me. I remember being angry, both at your death and how I couldn't save you.

"And then everything crumbled. The fire, losing Sam and Dean, the angels restored to heaven. I lost hope Meg."

"And what, now you got it all back?"

"No. But I have you," she sighed when he began kissing her again, letting her climax before resting atop her, feeling her breathe and feeling amazed at how human they both were.

"I've realized this Meg. I need you."

"You..."

He had a way of interrupting her with soft kisses, and she decided it was best to let him have a moment.

But she couldn't help that strange feeling of need herself.

_Shit._


End file.
